'It Ends With Us' - An Accurate Portrayal of Domestic Abuse?

It Ends With Us, a film adaptation of Colleen Hoover's bestselling novel, premiered in theatres a few of weeks ago. The film and it's promotion has had mixed reviews, here are our thoughts...

The movie does an admirable job of raising awareness about the complexities of abusive relationships, shining a spotlight on the emotional and psychological turmoil faced by survivors. Its depiction helps bring these important conversations into the mainstream, encouraging viewers to empathise with victims and understand the cyclical nature of abuse. The themes aim to tackle the misunderstood question of ‘why doesn’t she just leave’, showing audiences that it is not as simple.

However, Ryle from the start appears as an arrogant man, 'tortured by demons' but wanting to change for Lily. This in itself is a tired cliche, painting victims as the ones who always go for the 'bad guys' and doesn't show that abusive men can appear to be completely normal, often very charming and kind to begin with.

While the film succeeds in highlighting the physical and emotional aspects of domestic violence, it tends to downplay the insidious nature of coercive control. Coercive control - manipulation, isolation, and intimidation - often precedes physical violence and is just as damaging. The movie's focus on more overt forms of abuse might inadvertently minimize the severity of these more subtle forms of control, which are crucial to understand in the broader context of domestic abuse.

Additionally, the dangers of post-separation abuse are somewhat underexplored. Ending a relationship with an abuser often exacerbates the situation, with many facing continued harassment, manipulation, and even violence. Children and the family courts can be used against a survivor by an abuser, there is rarely a ‘clean break’ when it comes to ending the relationship. The film could have done more to emphasize this ongoing risk, helping to educate audiences on the importance of comprehensive support for survivors beyond the point of leaving.

Overall, It Ends With Us is a powerful film that opens up important dialogues about domestic abuse making many survivors feel seen. Although the promotion and press tour for the film has garnered much media attention, predominantly for the misleading ‘rom-com’ marketing, with viewers encouraged to grab their friends and wear bright florals to a showing. Many have stated they went into the film not knowing the severity of what they were about to see, leaving shocked and deeply impacted.

 Despite some failings, films like ‘It Ends With Us’ are important, continuing the conversation around domestic abuse and reducing the stigma. The more we talk about it, the less it hides behind closed doors.